Thursday, December 13, 2007

My new Job

as for jobs... do what makes you happy. if i really wanted to.. i would drop everything to join greenpeace.. lol.. save the whales, man, seriously.. i would die for those creatures, any animals really.. (speaking of animals.. im working as a photographer at hervey bay zoo!! i dont know if i've told you that already but thats what im doing now.. and i love it!!) but yeah.. if i did join greenpeace i would lose a lot,, family, friends, boyfriend sure i would make some new friends but it seems to much of a sacrifice atm, cause I want to attend gaycollegesexparties and i feel i have too much to loose..

no one i know is thinking anywhere near the level you are, in terms of love, life, family, happiness, fulfilment etc. its so fucking good to know that someone is thinking about actually doing something worthwhile with they're life. good for you. and i dont doubt you actually will do something great too. i believe in fate. and karma.. things like that.. you only have so much control over your life.. you can work where you like, hang out with whoever, live where you want.. but who you meet and the things that happen to you throughout life is controlled by some greater force (whatever that may be.. god?... or insert your own 'greater power' here).. and i guess thats the beauty of it.. the important stuff (finding love, experiencing life etc) is left up to fate and karma so we dont have to freak out about that shit.. thats not our problem til it happens. so i reckon.. follow your dreams.. and whatever happens along the way is.. life.. live your dreams!

friends: i love them all, but they aren't inspiring me anymore. they have all issues (eg. pregnant. already got kids. bad boyfriends. abusive boyfriends. jobless. etc) and its beginnign to annoy me that they dont learn and change. dont get me wrong, i love them all so much but i need more.
looks department: had bad acne at one stage but the pimples are going, got a very black tan, lost weight. still not perfect, but intend to get there, haha. actually i reckon i do need to take care of myslef, keep smoking, drinking, weed, pills, etc. need to settle.
life in general: i love hervey bay, but i want to travel. i think im going to move into an ashram or to new zelaand with my mum. im leaving anyways. i have to go and get inspired and travel and learn and grow. i cant be somewhere where the people are so predictable and i know whats happenign every day. blah. neways, let me know how you are!

love life: met someone great in fact. dude, i've never met someone greater than him. to cut a long story short, we both really like each other but our at different stages of our lives. how is it that you can meet the right person at the wrong time? i canot give him what he wants (stability, long-term relationship, maturity, etc) and he cannot give me what i want (i dont know what i want. enough said.) but yes, i learnt a lot, we are still great friends.

job: still a shop girl. easy. just do stuff like run around and baby sit or work on the computer.
family: fucked. my brother is jobless, basically homeless and lost his job. and he also got robbed. my sister is screwed in the love department but got a scholarship. my mum is happy in new zealand. my dad - on friday he kicked me out of the hosue and i have sworn to not come back and i will not. i love him, but i dont have time for fools. i dont have time for fucken idiots who make me unahppy. he got mad at me because he didn't tell me the security code to get int othe house and told me i was irresponsible, all this horrible shit, like i was a bitch and stuff over something so pathetic and superficial. it was just a build of shit, he's always like that, so materialistic and crap.

okay, my life so far and right now......damn, so much dramas, so much....dont get me wrong, im happy but im just over it. i aint the pessimistic type, always see the bright side, but it doesn't get any brighter than this on this island, so im going elsewhere. ive been thinking. im searching for something, dont know what it is, to complete me and its definetely not in noosa. so im going to travel all over the world to find it. im going to meet heaps of people and search for different jobs to see what defines me, whats perfect for me, what is me. like seriously, how many opportunities and pathways are there? millions! like when i die, what will people say? she was harmony, the cook? the cleaner? the owner of a franchise? the social worker? and who will be at my funeral? out of the millions of people out there, who will i choose as my friends, who do i want to invest my time into? and when i fall in love, who will i choose to complete me? i dunno whats getting into me ay. im thinking again adn again, im happy but i want more.

i will b heading bak hme next week wednesday so yeah jst can't w8 other male freind keeps callin me n asking wen i'l b home. so gr8 been popular hahahaha...hes hot though, but we r jst gud freinds...

i'm still da same carol, bt have lost abit of weight, hair is goin long, jst had a tan yday coz it was like 31 degrees, bt hav't done much plannin to catch up wit felina b4 l leave..

my families gr8...both dad & mums started their own business in overseas and yeah, n have been busy wit travelling to singapore, vietnam and bak hme so yeah.. my bro and sis went home few weeks ago...feeling lonely..fuck man jst can't w8 2 go hme..

so wher can i start @?? let me thnk. I'm ok thngs r luking gr8 4 me, not reali bt must b positive in al aspects of life..I'm still @ uni coz i'm takin suma skul kinda boring but its gr8 4 me aspeciali 4 ma future.. will b finishin next yr feb n grad in march so yeah can't w8 to complete my first yr...i have a month off, i mite 2 b goin wit friends to indonesia, chelsea is dar so prob will meet up wit her... man i realli miss u's sooo much ay...still keepin touch wit da gals here, always chattin wit felina and sme tyms wit chelsea so yeah....have soo much wok to do n itss not fun, tot homework don't exist in uni bt they do actually lol... okay well my life is gr8 atm, hookin up wit soo many guys eva since i came to brissy, havn't been faithfull 2 ma bfriend bak anywe its part of life! don't take me wrong..i still do love him though..i have sme other guys bak home who are aftarin me tooo, so i jst don't know who to go out with!! FUCK EVERYONE, i just want 2 complete my degree n get out of this shitt place, am already tired of brissy..I'm planning to settle elsewhere aprt frm aust..